I feel like I can’t breath……
Today my husband had his very first treatment of Chemo. Our day started with his 10 pills of steriods along with all the vitamins I have him on. We then headed to the Cancer Center for a shot of Velcade SOLR and tonight he follows that with Revlimid and Acyclovir which he takes twice a day and has been taking since last week.
He opted to go to work after his treatment and my multiple check ins with him all end with “I feel great!”. This is the craziest part of this entire situation, I basically forced him to go to a physical mainly because I’ve been so sick. I schedule an appointment for him because last year we missed his physical date. He had been feeling great and didn’t see why I was so pushy about going but then when Prince, George Michael’s and a few other stars died he agreed. He figured he’s 48 and with everyone dropping like flies he should get himself checked.
Two days after his physical we received a called that the Doctor who wanted him to follow up due to high protein in his blood. And so here we are today, little less then a month into that initial doctors visit and starting Chemo.
He is taking things with stride although he’s cried, he’s expressed anger and fear but in the end his outlook is amazing. I on the other hand have cried everyday, I feel like I can’t breath and I’m constantly feeling as if my head is in a spin. I’m terrified, heartbroken, angry and feel cheated all at the same time. Although I am keeping it together for him, hearing cancer is the worst thing you can hear.
I know that we got this, we can make this go dormant and we can get him back to health. I’m so grateful that he has no damage to any organs, no masses in his bones nothing but the Myeloma in the blood because although it’s stage 3 he’s been spared any major damage. I hope we can get 20-30 yrs more together we planned to grow old together and right now I refuse to veer from that plan.