It’s Okay to Cry

” Don’t worry… I’m not going anywhere”

My husband’s youngest came today for dinner.  She’s taking the news really bad and when she saw her father she just held him and cried.  They both cried and I let them cry, I went and retrieved a box of Kleenex and let the two of them carry on with their moment for about 10 minutes.

Finally he held her by the shoulders and said “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere” and I can’t help but to believe that. Tomorrow he finished his first cycle of chemo and we start again next week.  It seems as time goes on we are falling into what I can only see as our normal routine from now on.

This weekend we went out he’s a photographer and was asked to take photos at a concert which he did.  I’m finding though as hard as we try to have a day or moments without cancer creeping into our thoughts or discussions it’s just always there, I guess it will always be there and we will eventually come to some sort of acceptance of what is happening.

It’s days like today though that I feel tired and beaten, I can’t imagine how he feels, and when I ask him he says fine.  It’s been and emotional roller coaster that I just wish we could get off.

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